Zeltros: Pleasure Planet

Part 1: Who Doesn't Like Zeltrons?

Since the ancient days of the Old Republic, the planet Zeltros has been considered a jewel of the Inner Rim -- a planet whose people value pleasure and personal gratification (of all kinds) above everything else, a world that always has room for more guests at any celebration. At any given moment, at least eighty percent of the population is engaged in some sort of merrymaking. But thanks to Zeltron pheromones that literally make fun contagious and Zeltron fighting skills that almost every non-Zeltron underestimates, not even the Empire has been able to successfully invade or occupy the planet.

Our first installment is excerpted from the pre-Clone Wars edition of the popular tourist guide Luxury on the Inner Rim.

A Zeltron, by artist rk post.

The Ultimate Vacation Destination: Zeltros

As the saying goes, "One Zeltron is the life of the party; on Zeltros, life is the party." Since the earliest days of the Republic, the planet Zeltros has been known as one of the biggest tourist destinations on the Inner Rim, and it's easy to see why. Everyone loves Zeltrons, and everyone who's been there loves Zeltros even more!

Zeltron artists of all disciplines are renowned throughout the galaxy, and it's no exaggeration to say that their entire homeworld is an ever-changing exhibition of aesthetic skills. When not creating dazzling erotic sculpture, sensual dance numbers, or some of the most pulse-pounding theater this side of Coruscant, Zeltrons are celebrating life to the fullest in a never-ending party.

Book your tour today, and enjoy the following testimonials from satisfied travelers!

"I never thought I'd find true love on Zeltros, and I didn't. What I did find was a double-jointed Zeltron cafarel named Lissahl who taught me the errors of monogamy. I might never leave!"
-- Jiri Sools, freighter captain

"Sure, I'd heard the stories, but I didn't believe them. When you've been in this business as long as I have, you learn a few things: Nothing's more dangerous than arguing with a Wookiee, nothing's more foolish than gambling with a Jedi, and nothing's more alluring than a Twi'lek dancer. But I'm here to tell you that last one is wrong. If you like your humanoids flexible, svelte, enthusiastic, and in multiple shades of red, then the most beautiful people in the galaxy are on Zeltros. Who needs Twi'leks?"
-- Ruudi Buundaz, talent agent

"I came for the people, I stayed for the party. If it weren't for the strictly enforced zoning laws, I'd move my entire business here!"
-- Nuboocha the Hutt

"Of course, I have no biological needs or functions, and pleasure-seeking is not in my programming. That didn't keep the hostess from treating me as well as any organic guest. Without a doubt, it was the most invigorating oil bath treatment I had ever received."
-- DK-4F3, protocol droid

"Jedis, they likes to say that the Force bindses all lifes in the galaxy togethers. But after a week on Zeltros, I thinks the Force is nothings compared to the powers of Zeltrons pheremoneses."
-- Red-Eye Baldarek, bartender

Coming in Part Two of "Zeltros: Pleasure Planet"

Check below the lefthand navigation links for previous parts of "Zeltros: Pleasure Planet," or return to the introductory page for the feature.

Meet HK-47, a protocol droid with amnesia who just wants to blast a few meatbags, in this month's Expanded Universe feature!