Aargau: For All Your Banking Needs

Part 1: Three Simple Laws

Long a bastion of neutrality during the Empire's conflict with the upstart Rebel Alliance, the spectacular wealth and well-trained security forces of the banking center Aargau provided ostensibly demilitarized ground. Here, both sides could engage in the business of war without risk of attack. At least, that's how it was supposed to work, and at one time it did. But like the Republic itself, Aargau fell prey to the sickness of corruption that eventually resulted in the Clone Wars and Palpatine's ascension.

Though possessed of a long, prosperous, and noble history, Aargau at the height of the Empire's power had its share of womp rats creeping amongst the banthas. Average Aargauuns now looked the other way at misdemeanor crimes -- that is, anything not covered by the Three Statutes. Not long after escaping Darth Vader's grasp in Cloud City, Princess Leia Organa boldly faced him on Aargau to ensure a much-needed loan for the Alliance. She learned the hard way that such "misdemeanors" included unarmed homicide between off-worlders.

Planet: Aargau
Planet Type: Terrestrial
Climate: Temperate
Terrain: Cities, gardens, mountains, forests, jungles, rivers, oceans.
Atmosphere: Breathable
Gravity: Standard
Diameter: 12,928 km
Length of Day: 24 standard hours
Length of Year: 364 local days
Sentient Species: Humans, droids, aliens
Language: Basic
Population: 4.8 billion
Species Mix: 84% Human, 12% droids, 4% other
Government: Representative Council of Citizens
Major Exports: Precious metals, bankers
Major Imports: Financial assets
System/Star: Zug

Sector: Core Worlds

Operation Third Law: Mission Debriefing Transcript 3, Excerpt 19

C-3PO: As a first-time visitor to Aargau, I naturally wanted to learn more about this magnificent place, which was a fascinating and beautiful achievement of luxury, opulence, and technological achievement. And the droids! So many rare, expensive models I'd never had the opportunity to meet before. Why, did you know they welcomed us with a recording unit that I happen to know can translate over four million forms of communication? A droid with such a pedigree, performing tasks more suited to an R2 unit! No offense, Artoo.

R2-D2: [BINARY]

C-3PO: Of course, I didn't mean you. But thank the maker I had an oil bath and a good molecular polish before exiting our vessel. What? I needed one? Why you little --

[BINARY EXCHANGE DELETED]

Intelligence Agent Syril: If we could --

C-3PO: Certainly, sir. I must admit -- in the interest of accuracy for your records, sir -- that this mission may not have been a success without my contributions, in fact. Oh, did I mention the Garden of Butterflies in the capitol? New Escrow? I once belonged to an expert in butterflies, and the Aargauuns have assembled the most remarkable collection!

Intelligence Agent Syril: Yes. You mentioned the butterflies.

C-3PO: And the architecture of the roads, the overpasses, the highways, of all things? The architecture in the capitol? New Escrow.

Agent Syril: I know the capitol is called New Escrow. Yes, you said the architecture . . . let me see . . . "These magnificent roadways allow New Escrow to eschew the utilitarian tangle of aircar traffic that makes so many other metropolitan planets so frightfully dangerous," and "the wealth of the planet and its citizens, which I believe comes not only from banking and finance, but also vast, untouched reserves of the most precious metals in the galaxy, is evident everywhere." You went on to describe your experience as a "welcome respite from the drab confines of these dreadful starships" and thanked your maker for "a break from the unwashed, uncouth enlisted troops that are packed into the bloody spacegoing deathtraps like --" Okay, you know what? I'm not going to keep reading this stuff back to you. We're running three hours long as it is.

C-3PO: Of course, sir. Where was I? Oh yes. The customs station was positively swimming with off-world visitors from a thousand planets, and the constant and reassuring presence of the Bank of Aargau's security forces. It was here that I learned about the Statutes of Aargau, the only three laws on the planet. Shall I recite them?

Agent Syril: Why not?

C-3PO: Wonderful! The signpost at customs read as follows:

ON AARGAU, THESE CRIMES ARE PUNISHABLE BY IMMEDIATE EXECUTION:
1. The unlawful removal of precious metals.
2. The unlawful possession of weapons by noncitizens. (Conversely, it is unlawful for citizens to be unarmed.)
3. Willfully conspiring to defraud, discredit, or deceive the Bank of Aargau.

(Continued in file O3L-E20)

The Third Law! The banking planet Aargau, where almost anything can get in and virtually nothing can get out (without the proper authorization), is one of many unique and memorable planets from the Marvel Star Wars comic book series to make the sanctioned leap into the Expanded Universe. Aargau first appeared in issue #48, an early post-Empire story called "The Third Law!" that set Leia against Vader in what the previous issue's hype box billed as a "game of diplomatic derring-do." Larry Hama's tale is packed with dark humor that didn't often appear in the series during the "Frozen Han" period, following a complicated plot filled with Hitchcockian turns, shocking surprises, and -- yep -- derring-do aplenty, diplomatic and otherwise. And it wouldn't be the early 1980s proto-Expanded Universe without some . . . creative artistic choices and story points. Vader's assassin-secretary resembles a blended clone of Mr. Spock and Count Chocula. Leia uses a density-adjusting kajigger on one of Vader's evil henchmen, a pocket-sized superweapon that never again reappears in the series. If you can't find a copy of Star Wars #48, you can read the story in the Dark Horse Comics reprint A Long Time Ago . . . Vol. 3: Resurrection of Evil. Legendary Bullpen scribe Larry Hama wrote "The Third Law!" with art by the equally legendary Carmine Infantino and Carlos Garzon.

Coming in Part Two of "Aargau: For All Your Banking Needs"

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