This heart-rending scene has been played out countless times on gaming tables the world over, but no longer. Wizards of the Coast has finally released the perfect visual aid for that most difficult-to-imagine of monsters, the Gelatinous Cube. Not only is it cool-looking, but it's a great toy, too. You can pull off the bottom and place any small or medium-size 'victim' inside to be slowly digested as its friends watch in terror!

The skirmish stats for ol' GC, however, leave something to be desired. First, its AC is four. Four! This is a number so low that I'm spelling it out to make it look bigger. Even the Gauth, with its embarrassing attack value of -3, hits the Cube a full 70% of the time. So those 55 hit points are going to go humiliatingly quickly.

Next on the list of the Cube's sins is its pathetic Speed. While there are slower creatures, there aren't many. Being a Wandering Monster may help with this, because the Cube might start closer to the fight than any other creature. Or it might be farther away. Perhaps that's why it's "Wandering Monster" rather than "Goes Straight For You Like a Cruise Missile Monster."

Obviously, the marquee abilities here are Engulf and the pair of ways that the Cube can paralyze you. Unfortunately, neither method is especially reliable. The DC is very low on Spasm, and the much better DC on the attack requires the Cube to hit an enemy with its pathetic +2 attack rating.

Oh, did I mention that our rubbery, geometric friend is Wild, so commanders can't help it with its various problems?

Even with all that against it, I'm dead certain that I'm not alone in the goal of getting skirmish use out of the Gelatinous Cube. The fact that it can be played in any faction makes it tantalizingly more likely that there's some deadly combo out there for it, just waiting to be discovered.

Synergies

If you're planning to attack with the Cube, bring magic weapon spells and flankers. To really benefit from Engulf, consider some other way of paralyzing your enemies. Vlaakith the Lich Queen and the Large Silver Dragon leap to mind.

For mobility, consider the telekinesis spell and its lesser cousin, slide. When your Speed is only 3, every little bit helps. You might pull off a nasty, gooey surprise on the Teleport Temple map.

Epic Play

Call me crazy, but I think Epic might actually be the format for the Gelatinous Cube. If your warband already includes a big beater with a Paralyze effect (Dracolich, Vlaakith, etc.), it costs you just 28 points to throw in a creature that can automatically destroy any paralyzed enemy. I'm not saying this will happen -- let's be honest, it probably won't -- but your opponent needs to worry about it, and that means wasting a couple of attacks killing the Cube before it eats Tordek. And really, isn't that why we're all here?

And remember, all Desert of Desolation creatures will appear in the 4th edition D&D Monster Manual, and you'll be able to download their updated stats for the new D&D Miniatures rules in January 2008!

About the Author

Rob Heiret has been a card-sleeve-carrying geek for over 20 years. Through base trickery, he managed to marry a beautiful (and tolerant) woman and lives happily in Seattle with his wife and baby son.