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Bag of Stupid Pet Tricks

It’s perhaps not a surprising revelation that there are, in fact, five roles in any given party—sure, you may already know about the leader, striker, defender, and controller. But there’s also the unofficial fifth role. Some might call it the fool, the boob, or provocateur; and while the Dungeon Master’s Guide might seek to classify this as a mere type of player motivation (the instigator), we choose to pay homage to the jokers around the table, on this, their days of days.

As a bonus gift to the instigator, we present the following magic item, certain to hold a special place in their hearts… even as it serves no useful purpose at the table.


These small leather bags appear in a motley hue of patchwork colors. You can use a bag of stupid pet tricks to conjure a slightly amusing beast. You must make a successful death saving throw (regardless of your current hit points) to activate the bag’s power.

When you use a bag of stupid pet tricks to conjure a creature, it appears in an unoccupied space within 5 squares of you; the space must be large enough to contain the creature without squeezing. The creature obeys only you (for the most part), responding to commands spoken in any language as well as to your shouts, whistles, frantic gestures, and training clickers. The creature remains until the end of the encounter or until sufficient applause.

The conjured creature acts on the same initiative count as you. Every trick it performs costs you a minor action (which you use to issue commands), and a conjured creature cannot exceed its normal allotment of actions (a standard, a move, and a minor action) during its turn. These creatures will always use its actions to perform its known tricks. If you spend no minor actions on your turn to command the creature, it slowly wanders away in search of an owner that appreciates the true marvel of its nature.

A conjured creature is a minion, with the same defenses as its owner. It has no healing surges and cannot be healed, and it cannot gain temporary hit points. When reduced to 0 hit points or fewer, the conjured creature disappears.

Bag of Stupid Pet Tricks
This simple, leather bag produces trained critters that can amaze your allies and enemies alike.
Rare Wondrous Item
Power (DailyConjuration): Standard Action. Use this bag to conjure a minion (see below for statistics). Roll a d8 to determine which creature is produced and modify its statistics accordingly:

1. Flea. Tricks: Although difficult to see, the flea will walk to the nearest random observer, effortlessly lift them into the air, juggle them, then gently set them back on the ground.

2. Mouse; this creature appears on a small, toy motorcycle. Tricks: The mouse can perform relatively amazing feats (relative to its size) of jumps, wheelies, stoppies, and other motorcycle stunts.

3. Dog (Scottish Deerhound); just look at this awesome dog. Just look at it. Tricks: Aside from its incomparable pedigree, pose, and disposition, the dog will walk alongside its controller without failure, patiently subjecting itself to all observers’ scrutiny and examination.

4. Cat. Tricks: Cats do not perform tricks. Move along.

5. Bear; this creature appears on a large circus ball, and wears a fez. Tricks: Going by the name Oso de la Fez, the bear confines his act to balancing atop his magic circus ball, rolling up to various observers, and tipping his hat to them. Note: The bear will continue to keep its hat tipped until a small coin or other suitable tip is placed inside. It is strongly advised to do so.

6. Dolphin. Tricks: Amazing aerial leaps, balancing on the water atop its fluke, and vigorous nodding of its head. Note: If summoned without being near a suitably large body of water, the dolphin’s performance suffers noticeably.

7. Elephant; this creature appears alongside an easel and canvas. Tricks: The elephant will draw the portrait of a random observer, usually as an exaggerated (and fairly insulting) caricature.

8. Tarrasque. Tricks: The tarrasque immediately sets about destroying everything in its path, attacking all observers and its controller alike, without pity or remorse. It’s a tarrasque, what kind of tricks did you expect?

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